Insomnia Thoughts

So, I totally can't fall asleep. My mind just keeps racing with all these crazy thoughts. Since I don't keep a journal, I figure I should write it down in the blog. (We had a lesson in YW about keeping a journal, and I plan on repenting and starting one on Sunday. Until then, the blog will have to do.)

So earlier today a thought crossed my mind. (Don't worry, I have more than one.) I was thinking why is it that I have total faith in the medical miracles of today, but it is so hard to have complete faith in God, or you forget to completely rely on God. I mean if a doctor says that I can have a test tube baby, I believe him and that it will happen just as he says. Do I really believe that God can give us a baby without modern technologies? The answer is heck, yes, but sometimes I wonder if my heart really believes that. (Usually, that's on my really down days.) Why can it be so much easier to trust science? I suppose some would say,"Well, science is backed up with facts." Yet, so is God. How can you not look at the world around you and not see God. When you read the scriptures or see a beautiful sunset, don't I feel God. And yet, it seems easier to forget these experiences. I think that maybe science doesn't care about what's right or wrong for you, but God does and that's the difference.In my head, I know that God can make anything happen, as long as its according to his will. That's the real kicker and the hard thing for me to remember-"according to his will." Yikes!! Through everything we've been going through, I have realized and remembered some important things. You really put your life in God's hands. Without Him, you are nothing and will get lost. While His vision can span the eternities, yours is limited to only the present. Who am I to question God, who is all knowing, all encompassing, and all loving. Everything happens for a reason and with every trial; there is a lesson to be learned to help enrich and perfect your life. I have also learned that men generally don't show emotion as much as girls, and just because they don't show it doesn't necessarily mean it isn't there!

So then I start thinking about what lesson I can learn from having such a hard time having a child? And the thoughts of learning patience and great gratitude that we can even have a child. I think that not a moment would pass by, whether they are acting up or simply driving me crazy that I could not thank God for the blessing of having a child in my life. Then I start to wonder if this means we are going to have really rotten kids because I truly believe you learn these life lessons for a reason! :0)

Another thought that crossed my mind is why is it that when we go through hard times, one of the first thoughts that come to mind is what am I doing wrong. Why is it so easy to forget that one of the main purposes in life is to be tried. Why are we above the Savior, who suffered everything for us so that we can return to our Heavenly Father and be happy. I want to try and get to the point where when a trial comes my way, I'm more of a bring it on attitude instead of a why me attitude.

I also realized that I need to learn to like vegetables. Its getting pretty bad. I've been told that it starts going downhill wants you hit 30 so I figure I have about 6 months to start liking veggies!